As a Black mother, there are moments in parenting that break your heart. One of those moments came recently when I had to explain the reality of racism to my young son and why it’s so important for him to learn to follow instructions—particularly when it comes to authority figures like police officers.
I explained it as gently as I could, but the weight of the conversation was heavy for both of us. I told him that the world isn’t always fair, and because of the color of his skin, he needs to be extra careful in situations that other children might not even think twice about. I shared with him that if he grows up and finds himself in a situation where a police officer gives him instructions, his safety could depend on his ability to remain calm and follow directions.
It was one of those “heart in your throat” moments as I spoke, carefully choosing my words. But nothing could prepare me for his response.
He started crying and said, “You want me to die.”
The words hit me like a punch to the chest. My intention was to protect him, but in his young mind, he interpreted my warnings as a fear that his life was already at risk. And the truth is, it is—that’s what makes these conversations so painful.
I held him close, trying to reassure him while also grappling with the reality that I hate having to explain. I don’t want to put the weight of the world on his small shoulders, but I also know that as a Black boy growing up in this world, preparation can mean survival.
The Reality for Black Families
This is the reality for so many Black families. We have to have conversations with our children at an age when they should still be carefree and innocent. We have to teach them about a world that doesn’t always embrace them for who they are—a world that may make assumptions about them based on their skin color before they even have a chance to speak.
Other families might have the privilege of shielding their children from these hard truths for years, but Black parents often don’t have that luxury. It’s not fair, and it’s not right, but it’s the world we live in.
A Mother’s Grief and Hope
That night, after I tucked him into bed, I cried. I cried because I hate that I had to explain something so harsh to someone so young. I cried because his tears showed me just how much he understands about the world already. I cried because I know this is only the beginning of these conversations.
But I also felt a small glimmer of hope. As painful as these moments are, I know that talking to my children openly and honestly equips them to navigate this world. These conversations are my way of arming them with tools they’ll need to stay safe, to stand strong, and to know their worth even when the world tries to tell them otherwise.
Why We Speak the Truth
I share this story because I know I’m not alone. If you’re a parent who has had to sit your child down for “the talk” about race and safety, I see you. If you’ve struggled to find the words to explain something that shouldn’t have to be explained, I feel your pain.
These conversations are difficult, but they’re also acts of love. They show our children that we care enough to prepare them for the world, even when it breaks our hearts to do so.
Continuing the Conversation
As my children grow, I hope to balance these hard truths with reminders of their brilliance, strength, and beauty. I want them to know they are loved, celebrated, and capable of changing the world. And I hope, one day, they’ll live in a world where parents like me don’t have to explain racism to their kids at all.
Until then, we’ll keep having these conversations—painful as they may be—because their lives, their safety, and their future depend on it.
To other parents navigating this path, what helps you balance these hard conversations with your children? I’d love to hear how you approach these moments and how you find strength.
